Phantom of the Opera 101
by HawkWithGlasses
Summary: Okay so basically, it's the Phantom of the Opera giving lessons to children on how to be the 'perfect' Phantom. So give this a shot and read and review! SQUEE!
1. The Perfect 'Whoosh'

**I had fun coming up with this. It's basically the PotO characters giving classes to little kids on how to act like...the PotO characters. In this partciular session Erik is teaching smaller versions of himself, inside a prop warehouse. Weird yes...but that is how my mind works. Enjoy!**

Bonjour! And welcome to PotO 101! This is the class that will show your kids, don't ask why, how to be their very own phantom! Now, we have a professional teaching this certain class…The Phantom himself! disembodied applause is heard We REALLY need to fix that…

Erik: Welcome children, to my class. If you might have guessed I am-

Girl 1: Who are you?

Erik: Little girl, I was just about to say that I'm-

Girl 1: My name is not 'Little Girl'. It is Elizabeth. Now what's your name?

Erik: (flares up in anger…not literally though) I am the Phantom of the Opera! My name is Erik! (He calms down after a bit) Ahem…any more questions?

Each of the children stayed quiet, except for the noise that young Elizabeth was making while she was sucking her thumb. An older boy raised up his hand.

Boy 1: I have a question. Why are we in this useless class anyway? And why is a crazed psychotic murderer out teacher?

Erik leaned towards the boy.

Erik: And what is your name?

Boy 1: Elvin.

Erik: Well…Elvin, it would be best if you stop mumbling your words, so whenever you speak, people might understand what you say.

Erik counted the children and set them in a line.

Erik: Six. There are three girls and three boys.

Girl 2: Gee, thanks for pointing out the obvious.

Erik: It would be best if you don't back talk me. I still have my Punjab lasso…

Erik and Girl 2 (who will be named later on…) began to have a staring contest. Well, more so a glaring contest.

Girl 3: Can we please get on with this? I have a violin lesson later.

All children in unison: So do I! (that's a weird coincidence.)

Erik sighed and muttered something about paying a visit to the authoress. And it wouldn't be a pleasant one either…O-o;;

Erik: Fine, just tell me your name and age. (He began to rub his temples…poor Erik.)

Elizabeth was curling a piece of her blond hair with her finger with her free hand, while with the other…she was still sucking her thumb. She pulled it out in order to speak properly.

Girl 1: My name's Elizabeth and I am seven.

Elvin was next standing in line. He gave a huffed sigh and rolled his eyes, thinking, _why am I here again?_

Boy 1: In case you have already forgotten…I'm Elvin, and I am eleven years old.

Girl 2: My name is Edith. And I am 16 years old.

Boy 2: I'm Elroy. And seven years old am I.

Boy 3: Yes, indeed Yoda.

Girl 3: I'm…Elissa. And I'm eleven years old as well. Plus Elvin is my twin brother.

Erik: I pity you…

(Elvin sticks out his tongue at Erik)

The last child standing in line was a boy who was wearing glassed, and had his shaggy black hair over his eyes. He stayed silent.

Erik: We are wasting time. What is your name?

The boy mumbled a name that sounded familiar to Erik.

Erik: Come again?

Boy 3: My name…is…Eric.

Erik nodded. He decided not to ask the boy's age, besides he looked about Edith's age.

Erik: Now that that is out of the way, back to business. Today's class is to show you how to make the perfect 'whoosh' sound with your cape that you will be wearing from now on.

While he said this, a masked munchkin came into the room with six black capes, each a different size. The masked munchkin passed out the capes to each of the children.

Elissa: (having seeing the 2004 musical, she automatically recognized the masked munchkin.) Hey! Isn't that the munchkin that worked for Piangi?

Erik: Yes, but ever since Piangi…moved on to better things, he lost his job.

Elizabeth: What did Piangi move on to? (Aww…right now her face is supposed to look all innocent like.)

Erik: (ignoring her question) Now that we all have our capes, I want you to simply grab part of your cape, and swipe your arm up to your chin in a swift motion.

Elizabeth had her thumb back in her mouth, while she used her cape as a blanket. (Imagine her reincarnation of Linus from the Classic Peanuts.)

Erik: Elizabeth! Settle down and practice properly!

Edith tried the technique and came about with a 'swoosh' sound.

Erik: That was close Edith, but you moved the cape too slow.

Next Elvin tried and ended up with a 'crack!'

Erik: Careful boy! That is a cape, not a whip! Much too fast.

Elvin just rolled his eyes and continued practicing. After watching her brother try, it was Elissa's turn. She bit her lower lip when she heard a 'swish' instead.

Erik: Good, but not a 'whoosh'. Let me show you how it's done.

Erik stood straight and simply, in a split second, maneuvered a perfect 'whoosh' sound. Elissa, Edith, Elroy and Elizabeth clapped along with the creepy disembodied applause for Erik. Erik gave a slight bow and motioned for Eric to try.

Erik: Why don't you give it a go, Eric? I'm sure it won't be that bad.

Eric glanced up at Erik and shrugged. With a swift movement, he made his cape 'whoosh'.

Eric: There, I did it…happy?

Erik gave a slight smiled while the disembodied clapping continued. But it was silenced with a loud gong echoing throughout the warehouse.

Erik: It appears that this class is over. Keep on practicing your 'whooshing' skills. The capes are yours to keep, and I will see you allnext week!

The children groaned and walked out the door. Elvin was the last to leave.

Elvin: Freedom!

He yelled running out of the room, his cape making a 'whoosh' sound. The only sad part was that he didn't know that he had done it.

**So each of the childrens name each began with the letter 'E'. Interesting. But I told you...smaller versions of Erik! R&R!**


	2. The Art of Punjabbing

**Thanks to everybody who reviewed! It really motivates me to right more! ...Yes, I know that has been said so many times before, but it is true! I am having so much fun experiencing sleepless nights, t-shirts that are coffee stained from drinking it when you are practacally half dead!...Um, right...well...Enjoy!**

**Dark Ninja of Mount Hope: I thank you for thinking that it was funny...and behold! Chapter #2!**

**Phantom'sJediBandieGirl: Hmm...that beagle thing would be funny...maybe I'll put it later on...**

Welcome back to PotO 101! (Disembodied clapping continues) Okay…now I thought we fixed that?

Erik: Ah, welcome back children! I expect that your capes are in one piece…

Each of the children nodded except for Elizabeth, who was hiding behind Edith.

Erik: Why do you have four legs, Edith?

Erik stood in front of Edith. She was about to explain but he smiled and held up a hand as if to silence her.

Erik: Elizabeth…what are you trying to hide?

Elizabeth hesitated and stepped aside from Edith.

Elizabeth: Well, you see…when I was on my way home…my neighbor's pet…it was a dog…sort of got a hold of my cape…and well…see for yourself.

She pulled out a ragged piece of black cloth that was torn to shreds and wet with saliva. Erik shook his head and sighed. Once again the masked munchkin came with an extra cape and six Punjab lassos. Erik got the cape and handed it to Elizabeth.

Erik: Please take care of this one.

The masked munchkin was still standing holding the ropes.

Elvin: What are the lassos for? Are you going to teach us how to kill ourselves?

Erik didn't answer, but smiled at the thought of being a free man and not having to be under the authoress's control. He snapped out of it.

Erik: Of course not. I am going to show you all how to….defend yourselves.

The masked munchkin passed out the lassos and then brought in dummies that carried a strange resemblance to Raoul.

Elroy: Wow! Who knew that the dummies nowadays look like if they are on the fruity side!

The children giggled except for Eric who rolled his eyes.

Erik: Now…This class is simple. All you have to do is grab the rope like so and…toss it at the dummy. Most importantly, aim for the neck!

While he explained he showed them, getting back in touch with his phantom self. Back when he was so close at getting rid of Raoul for good.

Erik: That no good…pretty boy….That makeup wearing…Christine stealing…long haired…foppish….fop!

Elissa: Um…Mr. Phantom sir…?

Elvin: Hey! Stop choking the dummy! Its head is almost on the verge of popping out!

Unknown to Erik, he was trying to behead the dummy, while thinking it was the real person. He realized what he was doing and released the rope.

Erik: (clearing his throat) Um, right then. Why don't you all try now…?

The children looked at one another, shrugged and started practicing. Elizabeth threw the rope towards the dummy. Poor thing didn't have any upper body strength, so the rope hovered above her and landed on her shoulders. She pulled the rope anyway and started to choke herself. Erik was calm and actually smiled at her attempt.

Erik: Good job, Elizabeth. But try choking the dummy next time.

Elizabeth nodded, her face turning blue and tried to release herself from the rope's grasp. Elvin tried it next and pulled the rope too late. Instead of the neck, he tied the rope around the dummy's waist. Erik tried not to laugh so he went on to help Elissa.

Erik: How is your progress so far?

Elissa demonstrated by thrusting the rope at the dummy. Somehow it made a turn and landed on the masked munchkin's head. Elissa pulled and ended up snatching the wig from off of his head. The masked munchkin rose up his fists in anger, and tried to cover his bald head. Elissa bit her lower lip and turned to see her teacher's expression. To all of the children's surprise…Erik was….laughing! The masked munchkin stomped out of sight in embarrassment and anger. It seemed like almost an eternity when Erik finally stopped laughing.

Eric: Can we please get back to this useless lesson!

Erik automatically went into his serious face and cleared his throat once more.

Erik: Yes…my apologizes. Then why don't you try, hm? You were quite the expert during our last lesson, then perhaps you would like to enlighten us on the basics of Punjabbing.

Eric shrugged, threw the rope, and pulled back making a perfect scene to Erik's eyes, Raoul was being strangled…and by one of his own students. He felt a surge of pride, yet a feeling of envy for the boy. Erik couldn't help but smile and clap together with the disembodied applause. Erik watched the remainder of the class set their skills.

Elroy: So it's my turn now…right?

Erik nodded and waited for his performance. Elroy sighed and threw the rope carelessly. He watched as it flew slowly…so slowly…to the dummy. Well to his disappointment…it made it. Erik smiled and looked at Elroy's saddened expression.

Erik: What's wrong, Elroy? Aren't you glad that you made it?

Elroy: Well…No because I thought if I failed, you wouldn't want me as a student anymore and make me quit this class.

Erik: Oh is that so? Well just because you reminded me of how much you dislike being here, I'll make sure that you stay here for the rest of the session.

Elroy smacked his forehead as the gong rang for class to end.

Erik: This class is over but again, I shall see you all…next week!

The children began to leave through the small door at the corner of the warehouse.

Erik: Oh, before I forget, be sure to take extra care of those capes and Punjab lassos.

He looked over at Elizabeth, whose cheeks reddened slightly. With a wave of his hand, they were dismissed.

**I personally don't know why the kids are so miserable being there. I mean c'mon! The Phantom of the Opera is their teacher...and he is teaching them! Does that make sense? Anyway...R&R...thanks!**


	3. Ventriloquism Skills

**Yay! More reviews! Thanks to all who reviewed! I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Like I said before...Enjoy!**

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Alas! Yet another lesson from Phantom of the Opera 101! See, this time I didn't put PotO 101, wait…doh! Oh, and a reminder, the disembodied clapping people…are taking a break in this chapter (aw…) But instead, here is the disembodied whistling! (Yay!)

Can of beets: Welcome children, to class. Erik unfortunately cannot teach today, so I will take his place.

Elvin: But you're a stinkin' can of stinkin' beets! You shouldn't be teaching! You shouldn't even be talking!

Elizabeth: Wait…the can of beets sounds a lot like our teacher…

Edith: No it doesn't. It's a can of beets! It can't sound like anything!

Can of beets: …

Elvin: Why are you so quiet now beets? Huh? Huh? HUH?

Eric: Shut up!

Masked munchkin: What are you babbling about now, boy?

Elroy: Dude! I didn't know that munchkins could talk!

Elissa: Of course they can, you dolt. But notice that his mouth isn't even moving!

There was a brief silence among the children. And as always, Eric was the one to say the correct answer.

Eric: Can't you see? This is all the authoresses doing.

Elizabeth: No it isn't…

All the children, except for Eric and Elizabeth, gasped. Because Eric was…wrong!

Elizabeth: It's ventriloquisium.

Edith: You mean 'ventriloquism'.

Elizabeth: Yeah, that.

Elvin ran up to the masked munchkin, grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him in a rage. He shook him so much that the masked munchkin's wig and mask fell off. Erik appeared from a dimly lit corner of the warehouse. The children however, didn't notice because they were watching the show that Elvin was the star of.

Elizabeth: (to Elissa) Your brother REALLY needs therapy…

Elissa:…They said that they can't do much anymore…

Erik: May I ask why you are harassing my assistant?

Elvin just glared at Erik and looked back at the munchkin who gave a small wave at him. Elvin pushed the munchkin away from him, like if he was infected with a disease. The munchkin thought nothing of the rude gesture, used to it by Erik's bad temper. He picked himself up, and got the mask and wig and put them on his face.

Erik: Now without anymore interruptions, let's-

Elroy: Wait! Did you hear the talking can of beets? It sounds just like you!

Eric: Ugh…not THIS again…

Erik: No…I haven't.

Erik had a smirk on his face while Elroy tried to make the can of beets talk again.

Elroy: C'mon, you stupid can of beets! Talk! You know you want to…

He was shaking the can of beets in frustration. Elizabeth and Elissa started giggling and Elvin just rolled his eyes.

Erik: I think that is enough of that…

Elroy: No wait! The beets can talk…really!

Elizabeth: The can of beets wasn't talking. He was just using ventriloquisiusm!

Edith: It's pronounced –ven-tril-o-quism-!

Elizabeth: Whatever.

Erik: As I was saying…let's get back to the lesson. Today you are going to learn ventriloquism.

(Disembodied whistling)

Elvin: (sarcastically) Oh joy! Oh rapture! Oh…I'm going to puke.

Elissa: (looks around) You know…that disembodied whistling is kinda creepy.

Erik's disembodied voice: VENTRILOQUISM! WE WILL LEARN IT NOW!

Since the art of ventriloquism is a secret art, and because the authoress can't think of anything at the moment, let's fast-forward………………..

Erik: Okay Elizabeth, throw your voice over to the can of beets.

Elizabeth nodded and closed her eyes, thinking of what to say.

Can of beets: Eat me! I am so delicious…and Elroy is a moron for thinking that I can actually talk!

While Erik was teaching the ventriloquism lesson, Elroy wasn't paying attention…like always.

Elroy: Ah! It knows my name! And it still talks!

Erik: That was good…and great usage of insults.

Erik: Elissa, would you like to give it a go?

She nodded and looked for a good object to use. Since it was a prop warehouse, there were mannequins (Erik made sure none of them looked like Christine), gigantic animal suits of famous cartoon characters, a 50-foot tall Santa poster and lots of other…theatre stuff…

Elissa: I think I will practice on that dummy over there…

She pointed at Elroy, who was oblivious to everything that was going on, and who was also just staring out in the blank vortex of space.

Elissa (or should I say Elroy): Hi everybody! I'm so gosh darn stew-pid…that I think that a can of beets can talk.

Edith's disembodied voice: Hey Elroy….Guess who this is…?

Elroy finally snapped out of his zone-out. He frantically looked around the large warehouse. Saying random "Who's there?" and "I like soup!"

Edith's disembodied voice: I am the can of beets friend…the Spirit of Broccoli!

Elizabeth: Oh…you mean the Angel of Broccoli?

Edith's disembodied voice: No! I am the Spirit of Broccoli!

Elroy: H…how do you know my name?

Edith's disembodied voice: Fool! I know everything! (Evil laughter)

Elroy: Um…did I mention that I like soup? Oo

Elvin was listening to the conversation and wanted to join in on the insult-Elroy fun. But the poor boy only talked regularly, thinking that he was an expert at ventriloquism.

Elvin: Hey Elroy! Look at the master of ventriloquism!

Eric: Ha…right…And I'm the Easter Bunny.

Elroy: You are? Then why did you give me a rotten egg five years ago?

He takes out an Easter egg, that looked like it was festively painted, but now that color was green-gray, the color of mold! And it's stench…so…un…bearable! Can't….even….write!

Erik: (in a muffled voice because he is covering his nose) Children! Class is dismissed because of the contaminated egg! I (cough) shall see (cough) you all (cough) next week!

Before the children left, the masked munchkin returned again, except this time with a gas mask, and handed each of the children a half white mask of their very own! They accepted it and ran out, except for Elroy who wasn't bothered by the smell at all, gasping for breath.

Elroy: Hey! (Sniffs the air) That smells like my mother's cooking!

Erik's disembodied voice: GO NOW! AND TAKE THAT…THAT EGG WITH YOU!

Elroy: Geez…you don't have to be all mad about it…see ya later can of beets!

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Please review! Thanks for reading!**


	4. A Shock to Everyone

**Yay! Finally a new chapter despite the long time it has been. Well, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Oh yes…one more thing, the disembodied clapping people are back! (Disembodied applause) I appointed the disembodied whistling people to have an appointment with Erik…I never did see or hear from them again… Oh well! Enjoy!**

Elizabeth: Mr. Teacher! Hey, Mr. Teacher! Mr. Teacher! Mr. Teacher! Mr. Teacher, Mr. Teacher, Mr. Teacher, Oh…Mr. Teeeeeeeaaaaccchhheeeerrr!

Erik: Please Elizabeth!…Stop calling me Mr. Teacher!

Elizabeth: But Mr. Teacher…what am I supposed to call you?

Erik:…

Elizabeth: …Um….Mr. Teacher?

Elvin: Shut up! For the love of cheese! Just be quiet!

Edith: Hey, you can't tell her to shut up! What gives you the right?

Elvin: You too! Be quiet! I am tired of you and your…freedom fighting and being the logical one!

Eric: 'Logical'? Wow…I'm surprised that that word was even in your vocabulary…

Erik rubbed his temples; he felt his face grow hot underneath his mask.

Elroy: And another thing…you need Anger Management classes!

Elissa: Finally you make sense!

Erik: We should start class now…before I get angry…

Elroy: So…do you get mad when you get angry?

Erik: (shakes fists angrily) YES! I GET MAD WHEN I GET ANGRY! I BEST SUGGEST THAT WE START THE LESSON NOW!

All children in unison: (eyes widened) Uh, sure…no problem, go right ahead…heh heh.

Erik: (clearing his throat)

All of a sudden the door bursts open, and a girl wearing a mask and black cape ran and hid behind Erik.

Girl in mask: Hide me! Please hide me!

Erik looks at the girl confused.

Erik: Mademoiselle….what are you doing here?

Girl in mask: Just hide me before they come and get me!

Elvin: Who's that? Why is she here? What does she mean by "they're coming to get her"? And why is she wearing a cape and mask!

Elroy: Wait….maybe it's his daughter!

Girl in mask: (cowering in fear) …

Erik: No…she is not my daughter she is-

Elroy: Cousin!

Erik: No…she is-

Elroy: Your grandma!

Erik: NO! She is the Author of the story!

All Children: Ohhhh….

Elissa: Wait. I have to ask you something…

Mademoiselle K.G.: Um…sure. Ask away.

Elissa: Why did you stick ME with such a HOT-HEADED BROTHER!

Mademoiselle K.G.: (says calmly) He's the comical relief…next to Elroy.

Elroy: Cool! I'm the comicmoicimocal relish!

Mademoiselle K.G.: (shakes head in disbelief) How can I make someone so…empty-

headed…?

Erik: (coming back to the subject) Mademoiselle, who did you say was coming to get you?

Mademoiselle K.G.: (cowering in fear again) It's horrible…they want to take me!

All Children & Erik: WHO?

Mademoiselle K.G. points to the open door.

Mademoiselle K.G.: (in a tiny voice) …Them…

Everyone turns in the direction of the door, and there were two shadows walking slowly in Mademoiselle's direction. One of the shadows stepped forward, and it was… (dun dun dun) a political person, henceforth a lawyer!

Lawyer: (takes out some legal looking parchment) Ahem, by order of law…yadda yadda yadda…this author has declined to issue out a…very…important thing.

The second shadow steps forward and it's a police officer holding a cup of coffee! However, he is chubby with a wide chocolate stain covering his mouth, and a trail of coffee dripping from his chin.

Police Officer: Yes, we have agreed to take this young lady downtown…

Erik: Please Officer; I'm sure that she is very sorry for what she has done.

Lawyer: I'd like to disagree with that…Tiny, show the man the tape.

The police officer nods and from out of nowhere take out a television and puts the tape in the VCR. Then it showed Mademoiselle K.G. running away from the police screaming in Spanish, "You'll never catch me coppers! I'm NOT sorry for what I did!"

Police Officer: From what she said here, we have determined that she doesn't like cheese.

Elroy: Wait…you're taking her downtown? Do you know what there is downtown?

Erik looks back at Mademoiselle K.G. from what he saw in the tape. He shook his head and looked back at the officer.

Erik: What exactly did she do?

Lawyer: She didn't put a disclaimer in the story!

Everybody gasps.

Erik: How can you not put in the most important thing in the story! By not doing that, you're saying that you own me!

Mademoiselle K.G.:…I forgot.

Erik is infuriated at this point but is still visibly calm. He steps aside from Mademoiselle.

Erik: Officer, I'm afraid that you will have to take her away…

Mademoiselle K.G.: What! After what I did…? You are just going to let them take me away?

The officer, despite the stickyness of his fingers, managed to put the handcuffs on Mademoiselle.

Mademoiselle K.G.: Alright! Alright! I'm sorry for what I did! I don't own Erik! I don't own Erik! I DO NOT OWN ERIK! …happy?

The officer looked at the lawyer who nodded as the officer let her loose. She watched them as they made their way out, tears in her eyes. As soon as they left the tears were gone and the frown she had turned into a devilish smile.

Mademoiselle K.G.: Works every time.

She looked back at Erik.

Mademoiselle K.G. Why did you let them try to take me away?

Erik: To try and teach you a lesson of being so forgetful.

Mademoiselle K.G.: Look who's talking Mr. Forgetful…

Erik: What ARE you talking about?

Mademoiselle K.G.: Remember you sent exotic flowers to Christine for her birthday last year and she had an allergic reaction?

Erik: You're lying!

Mademoiselle K.G.: She had a rash and pus on her cheek!

Erik:…

Mademoiselle K.G.: …And her nose was twice as big from smelling the flowers!

Erik: Fine! I admit it! I can too be sometimes forgetful…

Mademoiselle K.G.: That doesn't make up for it…you'll pay for this…you will pay…

After she said this she disappeared into smoke shaped into a mask.

Elizabeth:…She scares me…

Most of the children nod except for Eric.

Eric: (to Erik) How can you put up with her?

Erik: I don't.

Elvin: So….what was the lesson?

Erik:…Oh what? I-I guess I forgot…see you all next week.

All Children: Ok then….( they each look at each other) BYE…MR. TEACHER!

Erik: 0o;;

**Well, so much for the NEW chapter! But next chapter is the Graduation chapter! Yay! Well, R&R! I don't own Erik!...yet...**


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